Thursday, August 20, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Twilight


I must say, I do love to read. Horror, fantasy, romance, crime, you name it, I'll read it. There are times though, when I'm faced with a book for terrifyingly bad, that I can't finish it. And that book would be Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. I like to think of myself as open minded, and accepting of the ideas and fantasies of other people, but this was too much for even me. I bought the book, after hearing about it from several friends, about how good it was, how romantic, and how "beautifully" it was written. I thought, "well, it can't be all that bad, can it?"


Oh, it was. It started off pretty good, but by the time I got to chapter 5, I realized that the more I read, the dumber I got. I've read a lot of books, some have been good, some have been on the bottom of the scale. This was the latter. I can understand the appeal of the book, it sounds good, when you read it on the back cover. An agonizingly good looking vampire boy, who falls for an agonizingly pretty, innocent, sweet, lost, teenage girl. Sounds like what most girls fantasize about. And sadly, it is.


But what really gives me the angry face? The vampires. Why? They sparkle. In the sun. Last I knew, vampires not only did not sparkle when encountered with the sun, they sizzled and fried, and died. You know what sparkles in the sun? Drag queens. Also, the fact that Bella of the book and movie is an underage teenage girl, while her beau, Edward of the Sparkle, is much, much, much older. If that does not scream pedophile, I don't know what does.


For centuries, people have found vampires fascinating, sexy, beautiful, and mysterious. But when one thinks of a vampire, what would come to mind first? An undead being living in a coffin, rising at dusk, to seek out the blood of the innocent, for their own personal nutrition and gain? Or maybe a pale and pasty young lad, who falls for the newest piece of ass at his highschool. Sadly these days, people forget about the great vampires of yesterday, such as Count Orlok in
Nosferatu, or the King of V himself, Vlad the Impaler. Even Lestat de Lioncourt, and Louis de Pointe du Lac, though femme, were cold blooded killers. Sadly, instead of violence, the teens of today prefer unrealistic, fantastical, and gag reflex inducing pretty boy vampires, who instead of sucking the blood of their prey, would rather sneak into their rooms, and watch over them while they sleep.


In short, what I'm trying to say is, sparkly vampires give me the angries.

Yours angrily, Zombie Julie
>:(


2 comments:

  1. "I realized that the more I read, the dumber I got."
    I hear you!
    But I wasn't smart enough to stop early - in some utter brain lapse, I kept pushing onward. I found a tale chock-full of worthy messages for teen girls, like "Compared to being without him, losing my soul was a small matter" and etc. Way to counsel the demographic already most prone to the melodramatic through their first high school break-up....

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  2. I know I read the beginning and kind of liked it. And that was it. Not because I though it was stupid, but I didn't do it. But now I won't. You are so right about all that stuff. Sparkly vampires.....haha good words.

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