Monday, August 31, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: PETA

First of all, I'm going to say, that I am in fact, a vegetarian. But! I loves me some meat every now and then. OK, so I guess you can't call me a strict vegetarian. I mean, I'd kill the fuzzy little animals myself, just for some In-n-Out Burger.

Though I partake in the consumption of flesh from time to time, I still love animals! I would never eat anything I couldn't kill myself. There is nothing wrong with trying to save and protect the little fuzzies, but some people take it to the extreme. For example, PETA. if you've ever been to their site you know just how crazy they are, that is, if you're a free-thinking rational human being like I am. I agree, a lot of the slaughter methods are cruel and inhumane, which is why if you like to eat meat, you buy the organic, cage free, happy meat. It's out there, it might be more expensive that meat that's been abused, but you can find it.

If PETA wasn't so extreme, I don't think I'd have as much of a problem with them. Did you know what they call fish? Sea Kittens. Kittens of the sea. Stupid, I know. They're whole beef is, if you wouldn't eat your pet cat, why would you eat a fish, because lawdy knows, they're the exact same thing, right? Wrong. I know that every living creature feels pain, but some animals were put on this earth so that humans could partake in their yummy, supple flesh. Such as fish. Or how about the fact that they sent Prez Obama a humane fly trap, because wouldn't that just be terrible, if a disease carrying bug felt the slightest tinge of pain? I think the world would come to an end. Or how about the fact that they are against animal testing for medical reasons? I do have a problem with labs that test on animals for cosmetic reasons, but if medical labs are going to find a cure for cancer, AIDS, or alzheimers by testing on a cuddly little bunny, I'm all for it.

As humans, we have a responsability to take care of the earth, and everything on it, but that doesn't mean we can't use the resources we've been given. Abuse of anything is wrong, especially animals, but that's how life is. Eat or be eaten.

If eating meat is not for you, don't eat it, but let the people who do eat meat, do so in peace. I don't want to get accosted by protestors when I'm in D.C., let me live my life how I choose.

Frustratedly yours, Zombie Julie

Friday, August 28, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Parakeets

I totally hate birds of any kinds. Turkey's, robins, blue jays, you name it. The bird I hate the most? Parakeets. Yes, those cute little fluffy cuddly wuddly house birds. First of all, I hate birds because they're pretty much in the same category as spiders or rats, dirty vermin. They're loud, they crap on my car, and they just in general make me mad.

But why do I hate parakeets most of all? Let me tell you know, and then maybe you'll see where I'm coming from. When I was younger, I did in fact have parakeets as pets. My sister and I each had one, a cute, sweet little blue one named Patches, and a vile, vindictive albino one that I hated so much I didn't even name it. The albino was a replacement for my little yellow parakeet that met her end via the cat's lunch. Anyway, back to the scary white one. When we first got her, I was excited, I was like, "hey neat! A white bird! I'll bet she and Patches will be good friends." Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. One fine day, my sister and I, after a long day at school, my sister and I come home, and go and check on our birds, hoping for a little play time. Well. The shock of a lifetime greeted us. There was poor, sweet little Patches lying on the bottom of the cage. His head right next to him. The culprit? Not the cat, but the innocent little white bird. Blood around her beak. While my sister and I stare at her in horror, the bird just tilts her head to the side, giving us a "look."

Let me tell you, that moment traumatized me forever. My childhood was never the same. And every time I hear a bird tweet, or chirp, or warble, my heart skips a beat in terror. So that is why I hate parakeets. They are not the sweet little pets you think they are. They are vicious, blood thirsty little feathered rats.

Horrified, Zombie Julie

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Rachel Ray

I absolutely love watching Food Network. I love Paula Deen, Giada, Duff, all the happy energetic people who make cooking and baking delicious goodies oh so much fun. But it's not all fun and games, because sadly, there's a show devoted to that smokers lung sounding bag, Rachel Ray.

Everyday at 1 p.m. Eastern, her show comes on, and I have to scramble to get the remote and mute/channel change. It's not that she's a bad cook, or that she's done something completely stupid, it's just that she's... Rachel Ray. Her voice is like listening to a thousand witches and soccer moms screaming and raking their fake fingernails down the chalkboard. It's not just bad, it's aggravating. There are a lot of noises that anger me, crying babies, dogs barking, my own singing, lawnmowing at 5 in the morning, but none compare to the voice of that New Yorker.

It's not only the when she opens her mouth that anger me, it's the fact that she's the celebrity spokeswoman for Dunkin' Donuts, and yet at the same time has a nonprofit organization that endorses healthy eating for kids. It's like tempting a crack addict with a nice, fat bag of blow. You can't encourage kids to eat pastries, and at the same time, try to get them to eat healthy. Why not just give the kids a stick of butter, same exact thing.

Awesomely yours, Zombie Julie

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Throw Pillows

Oh sure, they look cute, and cuddly, and comfy, but they are the most evil things to exist in the house. They're everywhere, the couches, the arm chairs, the beds, the floor, and where ever else they can smoosh themselves into.

While there are worse things than cute little pillows flopped around the house, they have the most cunning ways of getting themselves into the way of anything you're trying to do. What? You're trying to watch TV on the couch? Well, too bad, the pillows were there first. Trying to take a little nap in the afternoon, might as well skip the bed and sleep on the floor. You're treading on dangerous territory. Pillow territory, and they are out for blood.
I remember the days when beds only needed one or two pillows, nothing fancy, just strictly business. Or when couches and arm chairs didn't need anything fancy. There is no way you can comferatably sit on a chair with a nice, fat toss pillow taking up half the chair. One thing I've noticed, pillows never learned to share. Especially on the bed. Your adorable matching little pillows don't love you, they don't want to be your bedtime cuddle buddy, they want you OUT.

I think back in our minds most of us know that, which is why they usually end up on the floor, in a little angry cluster. Putting them back on the bed in the morning isn't going to undo the damage you've done to their ego, they're plotting your revenge.
In our house, there are pillows galore, so I speak from experience here. Show them who's boss, and they won't give you any trouble. Instead of gently lifting them off the couch or chair, kick them, shove them off. Let them know you're not fooling around. Which is why I sleep with my one pillow, and my door locked, I'm ready for anything.

Next time you're in Bed, Bath & Beyond, walk right on past those sparkly little pillows, use the money on something awesome, like a new set of knives, or a blender.

Regards, Zombie Julie

Monday, August 24, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Guido's

an Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to "hit the clubs" long into his mid to late 30's. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.

See also,

a word to describe an individual who has shown themself to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas.

Even if you've never heard the term "Guido" before, you know what I'm talking about, and I know you've all seen them. It's mostly an East Coast thing, but it's a plague spreading across the nation a little more each day.

I have no problem with people expressing themselves in different, and unique ways, but there are some things that just push the limit a little bit too far. When it gets to the point where your style has evolved into something that resembles an obsessive lifestyle, there's going to be some serious problems.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Miley Cyrus

Need I type out a giant monologue? If you're worth you're salt, you know who this piece of Disney trash is. But I'm pretty sure you have no idea why she's famous.

Her dad. Her redneck, mullet'd talentless father, is how she was made famous. Parents these days will do anything to make a buck when their own career has made a beeline for the shitter, including selling out their own children to the Disney Channel.

I can't go anywhere these days without seeing her gummy smile, or hearing her horrendous "music." I grew up with good Disney, and seriously, this is not it.

Mind numbingly yours, Zombie Julie

Friday, August 21, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Movie Remakes

Yes, you heard right, and I KNOW most of you can relate. I absolutely hate, hate, HATE movie remakes. I know that this day and age we have such better technology, but that doesn't mean that you need to take cheesy, campy movies that we all loved as children, and turn them into something akin to monkeys dancing in front of a green screen.

Example. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Watching it was like eating a bowl full of earwigs and toothpaste. I understand that yes, Johnny Depp is sooo hot right now, but taking a classic movie with amazingly talented actors, and remaking it with people who are only famous for being a "name brand," doesn't exactly flow very well. When I first saw the original, it scared me. It was darkly delicious and slyly funny at the same time. The remake however, was ghastly kitschy, obnoxiously stupid, and just not worth the film. Maybe it's because I already can't stand Tim Burton and his Hot Topicesque style. Remaking a movie just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Even if you love Mr. Depp, and his hideously thin and wane facial hair, you can't honestly think he made a good Willy Wonka.

Moving on from the Fail Wonka, another one that ended up in the shitter, Land of the Lost. Maybe because it was originally a TV show, and because they chose to use Will Ferrell as the main character, that it failed so badly. To start, I hate Will Ferrell, has he actually ever been in a really funny movie? I can't think of one. Has he been in a bad movie? I can name dozens. Maybe it would have been better if they had stuck to the original plot, instead of turning it into a dinosaur movie with poop jokes. I didn't see it, but why the hell would I want to? Every movie that I see, that has Will Ferrell, is a deal breaker, sorry, but I'll never see it.

And getting near the end, remakes that haven't come out yet, but will more than likely ruin the originals forever...

The Karate Kid


Top Gun

Weird Science

My Fair Lady
Short Circut

The Evil Dead

And the list goes on. But I swear, if they remake
The Goonies, it's going down. At least they're getting Sam Raimi to remake his own movie. It's not bad to take something to try and make it better, but when it comes to movies, it's almost like playing with fire, and more often than not, someone is going to get burned. I won't say I hate every remake out there, Dawn of the Dead was still pretty good, but most I won't even bother with, and if I were to list every remake that I hate, we'd be here all day.

Lovingly, Zombie Julie >:(

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Things that make me Angry Face: Twilight

I must say, I do love to read. Horror, fantasy, romance, crime, you name it, I'll read it. There are times though, when I'm faced with a book for terrifyingly bad, that I can't finish it. And that book would be Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. I like to think of myself as open minded, and accepting of the ideas and fantasies of other people, but this was too much for even me. I bought the book, after hearing about it from several friends, about how good it was, how romantic, and how "beautifully" it was written. I thought, "well, it can't be all that bad, can it?"

Oh, it was. It started off pretty good, but by the time I got to chapter 5, I realized that the more I read, the dumber I got. I've read a lot of books, some have been good, some have been on the bottom of the scale. This was the latter. I can understand the appeal of the book, it sounds good, when you read it on the back cover. An agonizingly good looking vampire boy, who falls for an agonizingly pretty, innocent, sweet, lost, teenage girl. Sounds like what most girls fantasize about. And sadly, it is.

But what really gives me the angry face? The vampires. Why? They sparkle. In the sun. Last I knew, vampires not only did not sparkle when encountered with the sun, they sizzled and fried, and died. You know what sparkles in the sun? Drag queens. Also, the fact that Bella of the book and movie is an underage teenage girl, while her beau, Edward of the Sparkle, is much, much, much older. If that does not scream pedophile, I don't know what does.

For centuries, people have found vampires fascinating, sexy, beautiful, and mysterious. But when one thinks of a vampire, what would come to mind first? An undead being living in a coffin, rising at dusk, to seek out the blood of the innocent, for their own personal nutrition and gain? Or maybe a pale and pasty young lad, who falls for the newest piece of ass at his highschool. Sadly these days, people forget about the great vampires of yesterday, such as Count Orlok in
Nosferatu, or the King of V himself, Vlad the Impaler. Even Lestat de Lioncourt, and Louis de Pointe du Lac, though femme, were cold blooded killers. Sadly, instead of violence, the teens of today prefer unrealistic, fantastical, and gag reflex inducing pretty boy vampires, who instead of sucking the blood of their prey, would rather sneak into their rooms, and watch over them while they sleep.

In short, what I'm trying to say is, sparkly vampires give me the angries.

Yours angrily, Zombie Julie